This is the Sound of Settling

It's like my brain is trying to tell me I'm not right. Why the fuck does it keep sending me dreams of things I don't want?

It's like I'm feeding off my own insecurities. Like I enjoy watching myself suffer.

But maybe I'm just overthinking it, maybe it's all a lot more simple. Maybe I'm just yearning for a time when I was unhappy, but things were simpler. When not everything had to be explained in detail. When I didn't have to come home feeling like maybe I screwed over the universe.

But, fuck it. Like God ever wanted me to be happy. God wants me to live a long life filled with family as I work tirelessly on a job I hate and die a sweet Christian man. If God had wanted me to enjoy myself, he wouldn't have created me.

Ugh, I know she's going to eventually read this. I know they both will. One will feel satisfied and the other confused.

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you, and I'm sorry.

You know me, I was never the best at interaction. So leave me alone.

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